Traditions

So the day is finally here, I’ve been kinda dreading this for about a month. Well at least since the Easter stuff moved off the shelves and the Mother’s Day cards starting popping up at the grocery store and the jewelry and flower commercials started playing on TV. I usually don’t pay attention to that stuff cause my mom and I always joked about how commercialized Mother’s Day among other “Hallmark Holidays” had become, but this year for obvious reasons I feel like I’ve noticed a lot more. And man no wonder people feel pressured to give Mom the perfect gift. LOL!

Its really not Mother’s Day itself that is the issue today. I’m pretty confident my mom knew how much I loved her all year round so we never made a big deal of the fact that it was Mother’s Day. But we did take advantage of being able to spend the day together and we always did the same thing on Mother’s Day. So here is where my issue today lies, it is more about the traditions my mom and I had formed over the years rather then the day itself and realizing that we will no longer be sharing those traditions together.

Mother’s Day feels like the start of “Tradition Season” for me. Both mom and I are kinda home bodies and neither of us loves the Winter ( I think we both have a little of that Seasonal depression thing going on…we always said we were going to get one of those special lamps). So throughout the Winter months, like a lot of people, we spent more time in doors at our perspective homes then having adventures. But as Spring rolls around this year, I’m reminded of all the things that we always counted on doing together when the weather got warmer. Mom and I are both creatures of habit so where we were always willing to try something new, doing our usual was something we always looked forward to and cherished.

A few weeks ago Leesburg had its Annual Flower and Garden Show. That event was like the kick off of “Things” we always did together. She’d come to the house and we’d hop in one car and head down together. We’d hit the food trucks first and figure out what “carnival type” food we’d share. Fresh Lemonade was always on the list and at some point we’d get a funnel cake or kettle corn or whatever new trendy food item was speaking to us. Always swearing after we would never eat that again cause our bellies hurt…yet the very next year (or event) we always would do it all over again. Then we’d poke around all the stalls and maybe buy a few things but more often we collected cards of things we loved and couldn’t afford and talked about how “when we won the lottery” we’d buy them for each other. Mom would take a bunch of photos and then document the whole thing on Facebook…man I miss those posts.

So today its all about Crabs. Mom and I loved picking crabs! So every Mother’s Day I’d take mom out to Lowry’s in Hamilton and we’d get a dozen or so crabs and we’d sit there for several hours picking crabs, eating hush puppies and talking about all the events, festivals, shows, etc. we were going to hit up throughout the Summer. We always talked about bucket list trips we were going to take or plans we had for my garden or house. After our free ice cream cone,  we’d roll out of there way to full and go to the nursery to get Gerber Daisies to plant in my front pots and whatever other plants spoke to us. Mom always forced me to wait till Mother’s Day to start planting cause she said if I planted sooner I’d regret it because I’d lose the plants to a late frost (and I did many times when I wouldn’t listen to her, Mother always knows Best).

Thank goodness for Shawn. He gladly took me to the Garden Show a few weeks ago and he patiently sat while I picked crabs today. And I know the next thing that pops up he will happily be my partner for that too. He has been so good through all this while I try to navigate my emotions and what I need to do to get through the day or moment. All the while he is trying to manage his own grief too.

Damn I miss her! Remember the part where I said I was a creature of habit! Mom and I had our “ways” of doing things and I feel super robbed right now of those moments. I know I am lucky, I have memories, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I feel like screaming like a 4 year old that “Life isn’t fair!”