She’s been preparing me for this

Mom 3 Minutes

I truly don’t know where to begin so I guess I’ll just begin at what feels like the end and go from there. My mom passed away on Christmas Day! Wow thats tough to write and even tougher to actually see it written. On Christmas Day of 2018 it truly felt like my whole world came crashing down around me. I feel like I have dealt with some tough stuff in my life (not as tough as hers, but you’ll learn all about that later), but this my friends is by far the toughest thing I’ve dealt with in my 47 years on this earth.

People keep telling me I should be thankful she didn’t suffer. I guess in a way I am lucky…she passed quickly and wasn’t in any pain, hadn’t been sick and up till the moment she collapsed she had what I like to refer to as “The Best Day Ever”. She fricking loved Christmas…in fact her exact words that very morning to my boyfriend Shawn was “Wake her the F up, its Christmas” LOL, she was quite the character and yes she used the full curse word! We opened stockings (her favorite part of Christmas by far) and gifts, had bagels and lox with all the fixings for breakfast, went and saw Mary Poppins came home and put our jammies back on, had dinner and then she collapsed and then she was gone. There are a few details between the collapsing and the passing part but for now that is enough.

My mom was and always will be my best friend, she was my cheerleader, my inspiration, my sounding board and my voice of reason. She was my craft show and antique shopping partner, she told me what to read, we watched the same shows and movies and discussed them at length, at the end of the day…this apple did not fall far from the tree in a lot of ways. I still don’t fully grasp she is gone and I have too often in the last few weeks picked up the phone to text her only to remember I can’t and then I have to let a new wave of tears wash over me instead. So yes I guess in some ways I’m thankful she didn’t suffer, but in some ways the suddeness of it all is its own kind of hell.

Which is how I got here. You see my mother was a pretty amazing woman, a Unicorn really! She had led a crazy life: she had a few divorces under her belt, was a widow, battled addiction and had been sober for almost 6 years, was an entrepreneur a few times over, had major successes and major failures, she was creative and funny, she was smart and well read, I truly could go on and on but for now I’ll stop here or this little intro will turn into a whole book. And neither you or I have time for that right now.

But I tell you this because she documented most of her life in journals (both written and visual). I don’t know how many there are but it feels like hundreds and I have a feeling there are some floating around that I haven’t even discovered yet. She always encouraged me to journal and I’d start but for whatever reason I’d stop after a few entries (I never was the girl who wrote in a diary either, but she certainely was), but today…today is the day! Today is the day I start writing it all down. I realized today, She’s been preparing me for this! Preparing me to tell my stories and hers and hopefully through them inspire or encourage somebody else along the way.

So here we go, here is Day 1 . Go easy on me now, I don’t exactly know what I’m doing here, but I have a feeling along the way we’ll figure it out (and maybe somehow she will provide a little guidance too). So here’s to Day 1, here’s to perserverence!

Keep passing the open windows – John Irving

open windows

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Published by livinghappywithlydia

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17 thoughts on “She’s been preparing me for this”

  1. Oh Lydia! My heart aches for you, and I applaud your willingness to take a step forward and honor your mom through your words! Sending light and love to you during this difficult process of grieving ❤️

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  3. Day one was beautiful . So
    Sorry for reason the blog started but I have no doubt many blessings will reveal themselves as you journey through the pages of you and your mom’s life. Thanks for sharing Lydia. ❤️❤️

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  4. Sweet Lydia. You AND your Mom have made an impact on my life. First she did, volunteering to make my hats (5!) and then in a rush for friends of mine there in Virginia (I think they met!) and THEN, making sure a close friend’s VERY premature baby (1.8 lbs) got a crocheted octopus because preemies grab and hold the tentacles instead of their wires. YOUR MOM didnthat for strangers. She found the woman to make it, received it, shipped it and send notes with love and support. HE TURNED TWO TODAY! Lydia I will NEVER FORGET your beautiful Mama, I loved her and I hadn’t even met her. We both loved pickles, loved crazy colored hair, has fire in our bellies, struggled so and found such joy in life and love and kids and even treasured our regrets….for they taught us to raise the children we were meant to have. You remind me a lot of my daughter too. Strong, courageous on your own, fiercely independent and wickedly smart and funny. I miss Patti Best ❤️ with all my heart and I wish you love ❤️ and peace. This was beautiful and I cried like a baby reading and writing this.

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    1. Oh Jodi thank you so much for your note. This brought another wave of tears but made me smile too. I adore the octopus story. That is so like her 🙂 I hope this journal/blog will continue to provide you with wonderful stories about her.

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