OK for some this one might not seem like a big deal in the firsts department and really on the grand sceme of things I was kinda surprised how hard today hit me too. Maybe it hit me hard because I’m getting closer to wrapping things up…. Yesterday I went to the Courthouse and was named Administrator of her Estate (which means I can now take care of those stupid car people), my To Do List for her is getting shorter, and the house is coming along in terms of getting it packed up (except for The Ear…oh wait till I get to The Ear story). Things are starting to feel much more final and I’d be lying if I didn’t confess without a Mom To Do List I worry I might forget about her for a day. And the thought of that starts the waterworks again.
But as I reflected about why today was so hard and I shared my thoughts with my Inner Circle about missing her today somebody pointed out that from their perspective my Mom was big on holidays with me and that they thought she used them as an opportunity to show me how much she loved and appreciated me. Well, that hit me like a ton of bricks and as I thought about it, that statement seems pretty spot on. Especially when you factor in that my Love Language is Giving Gifts (If you aren’t familiar with Love Languages I recommend you Google it after you are done reading this, trust me its eye opening).
She really was the original Best Gift Giver and I’m pretty sure Gift Giving is my Love Language cause of her. Like me, whenever she was anywhere and she saw something that reminded her of somebody she always bought it so she’d have it for that special time when she needed it for them. Maybe that was for a Birthday or Holiday, but more often then not it was just because she wanted them to know she was thinking of them and she knew it would brighten a day. I remember in October of this past year her declaring she was done with her Christmas Shopping because she had been shopping throughout the year. BTW, I know that was a lie cause I didn’t even make my Birthday/Christmas List (yes, I still make a list and hang it on the fridge) till Thanksgiving and there was stuff on my list she got me. So Ha Mom, bet you thought I didn’t put two and two together LOL!
I think the other reason today was hard was because her and I were so much alike, we had so many similar views and we were always talking and texting every day about stuff. On a day like today we would have discussed how ridiculous it is that flowers cost so much on Valentines Day and how everybody should buy flowers at Costco, we would have talked about the cards we almost bought each other, we would have sent each other pictures of what cool trends were happening for Valentines, and we would have laughed at the over the top gestures of love we saw on Facebook . We also would have both said we shouldn’t have eaten the chocolate Shawn gave us but we’d get back on our diets tomorrow, LOL. You see she wasn’t just my mom and we didn’t just talk once a day to check in, she was my Best Friend and we talked all day every day about everything and thats why today and everyday seems just so hard. Because I no longer have that one person in my life I can talk to about EVERYTHING!
So here I am on my First Valentines Day without her thinking what is the lesson I take away from today what would she want me to remember or share with the world as I write this. And I think it all just leads back to what Valentine’s Day was for her, a day to make sure the ones you love know you love them.
You Had The Power All Along, My Dear 